Sunday, May 07, 2006

Bucolic Versus Arizona: Coto de Caza Consultants

Bucolic Versus Arizona: A HOA Consultant

A Coto de Caza cowboy was herding his horses in a remote Trabuco Canyon pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW appeared out of a dust cloud.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many horses and ponies you have in your herd, will you give me a pony ?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his herd calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image hasbeen processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi- tech,miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 311 horses and ponies."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my ponies," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the ponies and looks on as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my pony?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

”You're a consultant for a homeowners association ", says the cowboy. "Wow!

That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about horses

Now give me back my bucolic community!

NOTE: Coto de Caza CC&Rs prohibit any landscaping that does not adhere to a bucolic look and feel. However, thanks to new consultants, Coto has a new Arizona look with pot holes to match!

Bucolic Versus the Arizona Look.

We do not make jokes, we simply watch the Coto de Caza Board of directors, the LA Trash and the Orange Crud Repository and report the facts

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