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The ten rules of curmudgery....Fighting against all the asinine, ridiculous absurdities in the world
By William Kirkendale
RULE 1. Gather up
all the good things you've ever done in your life and file them away in your
consciensness. This will become the power and bedrock of your curmudgeousness.
With this kind of strength you can turn any absurdity on its ear with no
fights... Step back and carefully analyze what the problem you are dealing with
is doing to you or a loved one. Is it a ten on a scale from one to ten or is it
merely a mild annoyance you'd like to get rid of. You have to pick yourcurmudgeon fights very carefully.
3. Once you've
picked your fight do your research and due diligence. Once you've decided to
tackle one of the great absurdities in your life you have to become an expert
on that particular absurdity. By that I mean you can't fight anything in this
world without superior knowledge. What makes you a superior curmudgeon is your
depth of knowledge of what you are fighting. Here's an example.
4. Sandbag your
opponent. Set him up and Bring him down to size. Put him on the defensive right
away. Go on the attack immediately once you have him where you want him.
5. Become an
"old yeller". In your own old yeller styleSlice him and dice him all day long. Attack him unmercifully. Use
all the developed knowledge you have on your opponent to absolutely crush
him....and once you have him on the ground in a curmudgeon headlock never let
him up until he cries uncle.
6. Start your letter
writing campaign. As Abe Lincoln once said...to kill a skunk make sure you
quickly put out all the bad publicity he creates for himself. Arrogant smelly
people need to be publicly humiliated and hung out to dry.
7. Squeeze every
last drop and ounce of blood out of your opponent. Why? Because the more he
bleeds the more he weakens himself to your unrelenting onslaught. Bleeders can
never defend their stupid positions in life. They are too weak to do so.
8. Apologize to your
opponent only when he admits how stupid and arrogant he behaved toward you
and/or your loved one. This is your ultimate prize that you want to savor and
enjoy for as long as possible. The capitulation of an arrogant human being who
before you got a hold of him thought he was God 's gift to the world is your
9. If there is no
apology forthcoming rub what you've done to him in his face forever. Give him a
mask of stupidity he can never wash away.
10. Sit back and enjoy the
fruits of your labor. Add one more notch to your belt and fantasize how you're
going to nail your next victim. The list of arrogant stupid victims out there
is endless so there is really very little time for you to rest on your laurels.
There is always some more very serious and important curmudgery work out there
for you to tackle. You have to remember that if you are going to be a
successful curmudgeon your work is never ending. The line of stupid arrogant
people out there stretches for miles and miles on end.
To read more you can go to Mr. Kirkendale's website